In the news: Stubborn corporation persists at banging its head against a wall.

Back in 2002 or so, when Nintendo was the only kid on the portable multiplayer block (for oh so many years) and getting massive bux out of it, some execs at a non-insignificant mobile phone maker got The Envy. Here they were, busting their ass, trying to make more and more annoying innovative mobile phones, trying to convince punters to buy the latest in glitz, and only really making any money on the hardware sales. Whereas Nintendo would simply barf a device, and then simply sit back and bask in all the revenue coming from every single game cartridge sold. They didn't even need to do anything (apart from an odd marketing event), with all the hard work of coming up with game concepts, carrying them through to completion, and recouping development expenses left to other people. Sweet gig.

No wonder Nokia execs got The Envy. Which compelled them to spend several years, countless millions of whatever money unit they use in Finland, and an immense amount of karma on a series (well, two, actually) of devices under the N-Gage brand. Only to have the whole thing flop, much to the amusement of game journalists and geeks worldwide.

Rather than quietly forget their failure and move on, Nokia kept the ship afloat by turning the brand into a platform running on their smartphones. And fuelling it with monthly press releases, mainly designed to feed Wall Street.

The latest piece of the saga came in the form of an article in The New York Times. It's a fairly entertaining piece about the new generation of N-Gage brand, launching this week. The article is full of enthusiastic observations about all the new and innovative stuff Nokia prepared for its comeback. Let's see:

In 2005 and 2006, members of Nokia’s N-Gage team spent time with Ideo designers in San Francisco. The groups took research trips to six cities around the world, including Barcelona, Tokyo and Shanghai, to study how people played games and what they wanted from games on their phones.

Well, that's fair enough I suppose. Considering how much attention was paid to needs of potential gamer customers in the previous attempt, it'd be foolish not to do at least some due diligence here. And what did they come up with?

The Ideo and Nokia executives concluded that users mainly want to play against their friends and, at the very least, they want to know the skill level of their opponents. ...

Wow. Research shows that players don't really like having their ass kicked by some random Japanese dork with too much free time. Who would've thought?

Here's how I would like to see them arrive at a solution for this perplexing quirk of the psyche: A cool-looking head of creative design director dude, wearing shades that aren't even in the shops yet, gathers his creative design innovation team and presents the problem to them. The whole team then works furiously for a month, going on meditation trips to the Andes, brainstorming in pristine white rooms, experimenting with mind-expanding drugs, and even going as far as to consult children. Then they come back with a beautifully presented document with the solution:

… the new N-Gage permits users to see what games their friends have on their phones and whether they are online. They can also see how many points a person has earned in the game, as well as how much time they devote to solitary play versus group play.

Ahem, apparently in reality they just wrote up a proposal replicating what every other online platform in the universe does, and then probably fudged some timesheets and billed Nokia for sushi deliveries to the office twice a week. But did they stop there? How could they, Nokia has so much money!

The researchers also asked players what their greatest frustrations were. High on the list was buying a game that turned out to be disappointing.

No one ever gets frustrated with how much The Simpsons Movie sucked, after going to see it instead of drinking a few pints. But games now, they are so much different. Who would've thought, without an expensive research effort, that people get a tad annoyed at all the games being sold to them that turn out to be utter shit. So the smart folks at Ideo had to come up with an innovative solution to this problem:

In the new N-Gage service, customers will be able to sample games free before buying them.

Mind boggles. This service is going to be so full of innovation, it'll take the industry by storm. I'm off to buy some Nokia shares right now.